Advice needed!

Before I begin explaining the situation to you, I have to say this-Thanks Sanjay for being what you are.

  • For making me feel like the most beautiful girl in the world
  • For loving me even when I am at my worst.
  • For picking me up and giving me your love and care when I am  depressed and having a hard day.
  • For being by Mr. dependable, someone whom I can turn to when I am in a problem
  • For listening to my nonsensical blabbering during our tiffs.( Oh yeah I can dig in deep and fight tooth and nail with him)
  • For overlooking my immaturity sometimes.
  • For being supportive when I needed a career change.
  • For following my passions
  • For being loving and caring towards my family.

There are many more things I can thank him for. This post comes out of a conversation this morning I had with one of my co- worker. The conversation began when she asked me about the Indian traditional dress. I was just explaining her about the same and then showed her my wedding pics. She then jumped over to her boyfriend and told me how sad and unhappy she was. I really felt for her. She has been living with her BF for the past 5 years or so. Last year he was diagnosed with a Kidney ailment and ever since he has been treating her badly.

  • He yells at her for  no reason.
  • Call her names
  • Gets into huge fights which can be heard by the neighbors
  • Is not at all tolerant that she stay in the lab for a minute past 4.
  • Calls her ugly, old and tired.

I asked her if she was happy where her life was headed, she said I have no option we have been living together for so long that now we are “almost” husband and wife. Also she think that people will have a bad impression about her since she is calling the relationship quits when her BF needs her care and support. I have never met him before but from what my other friends tell me he is extremely outgoing with others but gets testy with her.

The problem also is that she has extremely  low self esteem. She told me “I am not pretty and I think my BF is right! I am old ( She is 30) and I feel so tired. Everything was different five years back when I was young  and prettier.”

OMG what was I supposed to do, just sit there like an idiot and say nothing. Also I did not want to utter something that would look like an obvious intrusion. At that point ,I just gave her advice on working on her fitness and improving her personality. I think taking care of herself will not only improve her self confidence but also give her the push to  face the situation accordingly.

That’s it. I did not say any more! I know this is not a solution to her problem, but at least it will help her a bit.

My question to you guys is when faced in a situtaion like this what would be the advice to give or should I just shut my mouth and mind my own buisness?

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About Priyanka

My blog is my attempt to change myself for good and incorporate some great habits by deriving inspiration from my fellow bloggers. This blog is a log of my eating habits,my everyday life, my activity profile,the motivation I want from others and also other ramblings.

Posted on May 15, 2009, in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink. 7 Comments.

  1. That is a tough situation but we have all been in that position before. I tend to remind them that they are beautiful and deserve so much better than that. They deserve to be treated with respect. The decision is ultimately up to them though. Good luck!

  2. i have a hard time dealing with people with low self esteem. It sounds like he has had a huge part in that. I would question her, challenge her thoughts, etc. Also it would depend how close I was to her.

  3. I’m sorry to say this but I think that she is in an emotionally abusive relationship. Her boyfriend needs to treat her better but if she won’t stand up for herself, he’s not going to. If I were you, I would definitely stay in the know with them – keep asking (without being too intrusive) how she is/how the relationship is. Play the Devil’s Advocate with her to make her see the situation from a different perspective.

  4. I definitely think you should speak up to her, advise her gently. That’s a terrible relationship to be stuck in. 😦

  5. I think you should give advice, as gently as you can. Let her know that you realize how hard it must be for her to deal with it and that you are there for her.

  6. angiesappetite

    I agree with some of the others -If you consider her a friend, I would talk to her gently. Maybe by telling her the kind things that your husband does for you, and how he speaks to you, she will realize that there are other possibilities. I think sometimes people get into relationships and feel stuck, like they have no other options. Tough situation, Priyanka…good luck!

  7. I agree with some of the others ,good luck

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